[x]

Browse More Like This

More from ~starlight879

View Gallery · View Prints

Featured in Groups:

#Photo-Manipulate
photo-manipulations 4 You

#Art-Exposure
Expose Yourself

#MasterManipulators
Fun with photomanipulation^^*

#Digital-Gems
Digital Art Treasures

#PhotoManipulatorsx3

#all-is-acceptable
Everything is welcome

#DD-Factory
We suggest your deviations.

#I-Love-Manipulations

Show all (11)

Details

Submitted: January 31, 2012
Image Size: 3.1 MB
Resolution: 2755×3615

Link

Thumb

Statistics

Comments: 18
Favourites: 35 [who?]
Views: 713 (2 today)
Downloads: 90 (0 today)

Camera Data

Make:SONY
Model:DSLR-A700
Shutter Speed:1/160 second
Aperture:F/22.0
Focal Length:22 mm
ISO Speed:100
Date Taken:Mar 21, 2009, 4:25:02 PM
Software:Adobe Photoshop CS3 Windows

Shop For This Camera

[x]

Suicide Noteby ~starlight879

Digital Art / Photomanipulation / Emotional

Suicide Note

I experienced the most amazing and most destructive days of my life not too long ago.

November 17, 2011

I wasn’t really paying attention until I heard, “put a gun in her mouth and pulled the trigger”.

I’m sitting with nineteen other classmates about to witness an autopsy. As excited as I was, I knew in the back of my mind that this probably would not be very good for my mental health.

There were two bodies that day. A seventy three year old white male, who had gotten into a car accident. A thirty nine year old white female who essentially “put a gun in her mouth and pulled the trigger.”

They began the autopsy of the male, but I couldn’t take my eyes off her. She was dead, lying on the metal table, still fully clothed, with blood all over her face and body. I overheard they had finished the autopsy of the male. I thought that was rather quick. They had cut him open, taken out his pacemaker, and closed him back up, ruling his death a death of natural causes. A heart attack probably.

I still couldn’t take my eyes off her. I was drawn to her. I didn’t exactly feel sorry for her though. It’s not because I’m a mean person, but that I envied her. It was only two months earlier that I had a plan to shoot myself. The only reason I didn’t was because I didn’t know how to buy a gun.

I won’t share the dirty details of the autopsy but like I said, it was the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen.

Another student during the autopsy said, “How could she do such a stupid thing?” and not in a sad tone. She literally thought this girl was fucking stupid and a waste of time. I however thought she wasn’t stupid. I thought she was courageous. I longed to trade places with her.

Since then on I have thought about death and suicide many times. It isn’t normal, I know. I guess when I really think about death, a whisper of fear is always there. I don’t want to fear death anymore. I want to welcome it. Now when I think about it, I see her face. I see the dried blood and matted hair. I see the shattered teeth and the small hole in the back of her head. I see her eyes, green, staring right at me. These things should scare me, but they don’t. These images only make me want death even more.

Although I know this is not normal and I know I need help, I don’t tell a single soul. This is my secret and I will keep this secret until the day I die, whether that day comes tomorrow or not until I’m old. Whether I’m taken by natural causes, cancer or even an accident, or whether my life has been taken by myself, I will keep this secret. And this secret will destroy me, little by little. And I can’t get out.

Forever.

Stock:
~Sirius-sdz
~equilerex
*buzillo-stock

love 1 1

joy 1 1

~~wow 0 0~~

~~mad 0 0~~

~~sad 0 0~~

~~fear 0 0~~

~~neutral 0 0~~

*surrealistic-gloom Jan 10, 2013

Featured in my latest journal [link] .

~TalkingToMySoul Feb 6, 2012 Student General Artist

I don't think a preoccupation with death is anything unnatural. Like all mysteries, it is something that has repulsed and strangely attracted man for eons. I don't even think suicide is inherently bad: my belief is that you live your life and accomplish all your goals. If you're done by the time you're 40, and have nothing left to live for, why bother living? I think living sad and alone is far worse than a quick death.

I personally don't think you're done yet. You've proved in this piece alone you have talent, and even a talent for writing. Do what you wish with your life; no one else can tell you what to do with it. But if it were up to me, I'd say let your fascination with death manifest in your art, which is obviously amazing, and keep on living awhile.